Every day I feel…

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“I see you have a nice new addition to your office,” a visiting researcher says to my boss, as I continue installing software on a newly acquired computer. I know he’s not talking about the computer. However because I do not like being *practically* referred to in the third person when I am present, I cannot help but I ask, in a veiled-as-humor protest:

“Oh, do you mean the new computer?”

“No!” Laughter. “It’s you!”

They don’t get it, ah well. C’est la frickin’ vie. You’ve got to pick your battles. This is not one of them.

…….

And so, every day I feel less and less like Berkeley and Physics is where I want to be for the next N years of my life. Just grad school nerves? Perhaps. But truth be told I have been feeling this way for quite some time. This is not something I am good at. This is the running theme of this blog. This is something that for the most part, I honestly barely enjoy at this point. I could’ve been lots of things, but for some reason I’ve chosen fluorescent-lit rooms and no-effect-on-the-real-world (whatever that means). Maybe I have yet to find my place?  Let’s hope so, because I’ve already signed the papers.

……

Or maybe I am just beginning to feel tied down. And feel somewhat emotionally spread across a couple countries. And have very bad Sweden-envy. I want sommar. Now.

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3 Responses to “Every day I feel…”

  1. Sanlille Says:

    Sommar is a beautiful thought, remember you can do anything grasshopper

  2. michael9murray Says:

    Ahhhh! Sexism alert! Warning!

    NOT a good start – and they’ll certainly not change as time goes on – got away with so long/wouldn’t notice the problem.

    I know that feeling when you suddenly see your p-o-w from the outside, and think, It that really… IT?
    Yet some days you go in there are it’s full of interesting stuff. Years pass by and you don’t notice. If you’re lucky ie in a going-somewhere team, something might get achieved – usually a one-off. If you’re lucky.

    Grim, aint it!
    Look for another way round the changing obstacle course. Believe in your little old self – you’re all you got, in a one-off chance in living.

  3. tornspira Says:

    Thanks for words of encouragement …. hills and valleys, c’est la vie.

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