there’s your sign

Awkward advertisements spotted in the Southland.

1. On the card in the baby seat of of shopping cart, a woman with straight blond hair and blinding teeth tosses carrots into a brown paper shopping bag. In boldfaced black letters, just below her chin, she proclaims: What’s in your shopping cart? Nothing tastes as good as thin feels!

Ha, I think. Except for peanut butter, lady. Except for peanut butter.

2. When they first put up the new illuminated megacreen signs for the Citadel Outlet mall in Commerce on highway 5, the good people of the 5 must have complained. Driving by them at night one noticed that not only were they offensively ugly but blinding; the powers that be must have realized the hazard, as the signs have since dimmed. But yes, the Citadel building indeed looks, from the freeway, like what I would imagine the great Mesopotamian ziggurwats to look like, had they been constructed in the early 1920s and subsequently starred in Ben Hur. But those signs, those signs are still an eyesore, day or night. To drivers they flash five second pitches:  Shop here! Sale! One Weekend only! Look, a SHOE!  Today, I notice they flash one I haven’t seen before, one that I find more tempting than all the others combined: WORLD CLASS BATHROOMS!

Next time, Citadel. Next time.

3. I’m at the gas pump, cringing as most Californians are these days. From the warm, homey glow of the screen were I entered my debit card information just moments ago, the gas pump begins to speak to me. HEY, says the gas pump screen, in scrolling all caps. THAT CUP HOLDER LOOKS LONELY. HOW ABOUT A REFRESHMENT?

Cheeky bastard gas pump, I reply in my head. Are you hitting on me?


One Response to “there’s your sign”

  1. Says:

    Do I get the cringing is at gas prices?

    Still laugh-a-like!

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