Open Letters: to the GRE

Dear Numbskulls Who Grade the GRE Writing Section,

I am simply a concerned test taker, please do excuse my insubordination, but I wanted to bring to your attention that William Faulkner would have failed your silly little test, just like I did.

Oh, but you know who he is, right? He’s f***ing William Faulkner. Do you know who you are? You spend your days in whitewalled rooms, inventing mundane questions and reading thousands of essays, all of them poorly written by the sordid masses of PhD hopefuls who gleefully sacrifice all rhetorical flair for the sake of your tyrannous test. William Faulkner, on the other hand, spent his days inventing literature, testing the bounds of the English language and and getting rancorously drunk and subsequently flying airplanes into barns.

As it happens, there are choices we all make in life. Apparently you made the choice to decide that I am an utter failure at this thing you call ‘writing.’ I am, now, in the spirit of William Faulkner, choosing to ignore your decision entirely.

So go ahead. Fail me. When my novel comes out, we’ll see who’s laughing.



Who is, coincidentally, wholeheartedly proud of every single goddamn run on sentence in that last paragraph.



One Response to “Open Letters: to the GRE”

  1. Katie Says:

    I failed it too! Shit is fucked up and bullshit.

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