My Turn.

Yes, it is my turn. At long last! It is at long last my turn to rant about ridiculous cycling clothing choices.

And I will copy her format too.

An open letter to 80% of the cyclists in Orange County.

Dear Fellow Cyclists:

I respectfully take issue with the wardrobes you choose to employ for the activity of cycling.

Take for example, the gentleman I saw while riding in Irvine. He pedalled a sweet little carbon-fiber frame at a moderate pace down one of the straight, flat roads in the vicinity of UCI. He tucked in and grasped his aero bars as a look of steady resolve spread across his face. One would assume that all of this was perfectly legitimate behavior. Not so. I have left out one egregious detail from my depiction: the man was wearing street clothes.

I wonder, Sir, if you realize that wearing cargo shorts and a cotton T-shirt effectively cancels out the effect of your pricey little aerobars? In most normal situations, I would not consider myself a major advocate for old men wearing spandex. But this is not a normal situation. Nor is this an isolated example. This is a dire crisis of Physics and must be addressed immediately.

In short: If you have $3,000 to spend on a full-carbon bike, you sure as heck have $50 to spend on bike shorts. Do yourself a favor and go buy some. Just looking at you is making me uncomfortable in places I don’t want to talk about.

Furthermore, Cyclists of Orange County: Do you realize that it is 68 degrees outside? I believe there must be some sort of safety advisory warning from the surgeon general against wearing full leg-warmers and horrendously neon windbreakers when it is a perfectly beautiful, warm, sunny day. It can’t be healthy—it simply just can’t. But I suppose, after all, you are the same people who drive around in your cars on beautiful days with your windows rolled up and your air conditioners blasting. This too, is a dire crisis of Physics. My only suggestion to you in this matter is that you take a deep breath and enjoy your own sunshine. You can bet that if in your position, the rest of the world most certainly would.


A Cyclist who thanks God everyday for Northern California

P.S. (Added two days later) Arm warmers and a sleeveless jersey are also, by and large, not acceptable. Especially if you are a man.


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